


not in that way

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, But Harry doesn't realize it at first, First Love, Friends to Lovers, Louis loves Harry too, M/M, Pining, harry loves louis a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2014-06-21
Packaged: 2018-02-05 13:22:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1819954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>I'd never ask you</i>
  <br/><i>Cause deep down I'm certain I know what you'd say</i>
  <br/><i>You'd say I'm sorry</i>
  <br/><i>Believe me</i>
  <br/><i>I love you</i>
  <br/><i>But not in that way</i>
</p>
<p>  <i><br/><i><br/><i>X-Factor Era.</i></i></i></p>
            </blockquote>





	not in that way

**Author's Note:**

> My very first HarryandLouis piece! Blame Sam Smith and his ridiculous lyrics that got into my head and wouldn't leave without telling a bit of a story. 
> 
> A bit angsty and a lot of pining but with a happy ending because we obviously all know how this turns out for our boys. :)

_And I hate to say I love you_  
 _When it's so hard for me_  
 _And I hate to say I want you_  
 _When you make it so clear_  
 _You don't want me_  
  
 _I'd never ask you cause deep down_  
 _I'm certain I know what you'd say_  
 _You'd say I'm sorry believe me_  
 _I love you but not in that way_  
  


“And that’s a wrap! Great job guys, think the fans are gonna really like this one.” A voice rang out and Harry quickly stopped his cheering, standing up and stepping off the stairs. He took a deep breath, ready for and in desperate need of the break before dinner.  
  
“Great job today, Haz – and nice song choice, I love that John Mayer cover too.” Louis clapped a hand on his shoulder, grinning wide and genuine and Harry felt his breath catch at the sight. Louis was so, so beautiful and this, this is what Harry needed a moment to recover from.  
  
“Yeah, it’s a good one mate. Hey I gotta take a piss, catch ya in a few?” Harry gave Louis a grin in return, stretching it wide so his dimple popped out of his cheek to sell the smile that felt so forced it was straining his face.  
  
Louis smiled again, pressing a light kiss to Harry’s cheek and Harry felt the sting of it, burning his flesh. He couldn’t help that he felt fire from the touch of Louis’ lips while Louis felt nothing but the smooth skin of a boy who was hopelessly in love with him.  
  
He reached the bathroom door, closing it and locking it with shaky hands. He leaned against the door, taking calming and deep breaths and trying to make himself relax.  
  
He had almost let it slip, is the thing.  
  
He replayed the taping of the video diary in his mind, going back over his words and careless glances. He felt himself staring over at Louis a lot, more than usual even, and was nervous that the camera would pick up on it. “Louis’ is the leader”, Christ. He knew without a doubt that once that aired, any viewer would hear the fondness oozing out of his voice, he could feel it for God’s sake, his eyes unable to leave the boy sitting in front of him. He jumped in quicker than anyone else to give Louis a role, then when he realized he might have reacted a little less than casual he quickly tried to salvage his error and made a joke out of the situation.  
  
Harry actually felt grateful for the question on what they looked for in a girl – this was his chance to try to show that he DID like girls, that he wasn’t secretly in love with the boy sitting in front of him who was straight anyway and had a girlfriend. But even then, he somehow managed to screw up. When Louis made a stupid joke about liking carrots, he couldn’t contain his giddy laugh and smile or the way his eyes automatically cut to him in anticipation of his words. When his turn came around he said the first thing he could think of, glancing down at Louis who had the most delicate features and was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen and said some nonsense about a pretty face. When Louis laughed, his eyes cut to him again, relief that he hadn’t seen that Harry was clearly talking about the pretty face in front of him through his answer and grateful to Zayn for his remark to take the attention off of him.  
  
He was shaken out of his musings with a rough rattle to the doorknob, Louis’ voice ringing out over the rowdy boys outside in the hallway.  
  
“Jesus, Harry – making a career out of it? Come on, I’m starving!”  
  
With one last breath, Harry steeled his shoulders and opened the door and this time he didn’t have to force a grin. When his eyes met Louis’ smiling face and outstretched hand, he couldn’t help but feel his heart race and the butterflies in his tummy fluttering out and trying to escape through a dimpled grin.  
  
“Me too, let’s go.” He replied, clasping his fingers into Louis’ as they took off tearing down the stairs into the kitchen.  
  
  


  
  
***  
 _And I hate to say I need you_  
 _I'm so reliant_  
 _I'm so dependent_  
 _I'm such a fool_  
 _When you're not there_  
 _I find myself singing the blues_  
 _Can't bear_  
 _Can't face the truth_  


Best mates. Everyone called them best mates, Louis included, and it meant the world to him, it really did. He had never connected with anyone in the way he did with the smart mouthed, funny boy he met in a bathroom not unlike the one he often escaped to when his feelings got to be too overwhelming.  
  
But for Harry, it went so far beyond a best mate. He felt tingles down his spine when the blue eyed boy walked into a room, not seeing or hearing him but feeling him right away. When Louis stumbled into the kitchen in the morning and ran his fingers through Harry’s tousled curls, making them more of a mess only to fondly smile and gently brush them away from his eyes with a soft “Mornin’ Haz”, Harry’s pulse raced with how he felt the light touch on his forehead for hours following the contact. When Louis told a joke (which was quite often), everyone would look at him and laugh while Harry focused on the movement of his lips, barely hearing his words as he imagined another world where he was free to press his own against them.  
  
He knew Louis loved him, of course he did. He even knew that Louis probably loved him more than he loved the other boys, though they had all gotten quite close. And he treasured it, he did. But he also knew that it wasn’t the same love that Harry experienced, the all-encompassing and consuming love that Harry felt all the time.  
  
He was getting worse at hiding it. When Louis took too long to appear for a movie night, Harry’s eyes frantically darted around and checked the doorway every two seconds, unable to relax until his own thigh felt the strong press of Louis’ next to him.  
  
“Geez, Haz, relax, your boyfriend will be right back, he’s on the phone. Talking to Hannah I think.” It was Niall who made the joking comment, throwing a handful of popcorn at Harry’s head while the boys all laughed. Harry halfheartedly joined in, trying to come up with a clever come back and wishing Louis was there more than ever as he always came up with such good ones. He could feel his dinner threaten to come up as he imagined Louis telling Hannah all of the things he wanted to hear directed at him while Harry sat alone, pining like an idiot over his very best mate.  
  
“Hey, hey, hey. Leave my boy alone, Niall, and start the bloody film already.” Louis appeared in the doorway then, hitting the bottom of Niall’s popcorn bowl as he walked by causing it to go flying everywhere and gave Harry a wink at the sound of Niall’s profanity filled shriek.  
  
Harry laughed genuinely this time, happily cuddling up to Louis’ side as he threw his body to the ground, ignoring Zayn’s protests as he grabbed the blanket off his lap to cover himself and Harry with.  
  
“Good talk?” Harry whispered, not really wanting to know but caring enough about Louis to ask anyway.  
  
He could feel Louis shrug. “Okay, I guess. Didn’t talk long, really. She was telling me about some of our mates from school but to be honest I just wanted to come back down and play with your quirky curls.” He pulled tightly on one for effect and Harry elbowed him in mock offense while Louis laughed in delight, pulling his limbs closer as the movie began to play.  
  
It was okay that Louis couldn’t love Harry in the same way. He loved him the most and he loved him fiercely and that would have to be enough, he thought firmly, the words “my boy” playing on a loop in Harry’s brain.  
  


  
  
***  
 _You will never know that feeling_  
 _You will never see through these eyes_  
 _I'd never ask you_  
 _Cause deep down I'm certain I know what you'd say_  
 _You'd say I'm sorry_  
 _Believe me_  
 _I love you_  
 _But not in that way_  


  
They were in the kitchen, fighting over the last few scoops of ice cream and using their frozen spoons as swords when Louis broke the news.  
  
“Don’t be selfish, Curly, I’m the one who is going through the big breakup, surely that means I should get the last of the ice cream?” Harry froze, spoon midair and in his surprise released his grip on the container. Louis laughed triumphantly, digging in right away and smiling through a mouthful of cookies ‘n’ cream.  
  
Harry stared in shock, finally speaking up after Louis went on blissfully eating his dessert. “Um…Lou? Breakup?”  
  
Louis shrugged. “Yeah, I broke up with Hannah. Or maybe she broke up with me? I don’t know, either way it’s not like it’s a big surprise is it? Not like we spent a whole lot of time together anymore.”  
  
Harry was still thrown completely off by this development. “Um…yeah, I guess. But…When?...Are…are you alright?” He stumbled through his words, not sure how to react when Louis was giving him nothing really to go on.  
  
Again, Louis shrugged. “A week ago now I guess? I don’t know. Guess I wasn’t that great of a boyfriend in the first place if I can’t even remember. We were more of friends really the last few months anyway.” His smile remained as he finished the ice cream.  
  
A week? A WEEK? How had he not realized for a week now that Louis was single. “Louis, a week? Why didn’t you tell me? Are you okay?”  
  
Louis lowered his gaze to the table, finally putting the near empty container down. “I thought you knew, I guess, or would just figure it out? S’not a big deal, really. I’m fine, we’re still friends.” Harry was still trying to process and Louis must have picked up on the bit of tension as he rushed on, “…in fact, I’ve already got a bit of a crush on someone new.” He looked up again, a glimmer in his eye and Harry’s heart sped up so quickly he was sure that Louis could hear it from across the room.  
  
“Oh? Who is the lucky girl?” Harry asked, proud of the way he kept his voice even.  
  
“Well…” Louis hesitated. “Do you promise not to tell?”  
  
Harry nodded quickly, holding out his pinky and crossing the distance to hook it with Louis’. He may have been confused about a lot going on in this conversation but he would never be confused about his loyalty to Louis.  
  
Louis laughed quietly, accepting the promise and looking up into Harry’s eyes.  
  
“It’s not really a girl.” He said quietly and Harry was sure that this was it, he was surely going to faint.  
  
“Oh.” He croaked out, pinky still gripped tightly in Louis’.  
  
“Yeah. It’s not a big deal, really. It’s just…well, alright, so Aiden and I were talking out back the other day and he leaned in to kiss me and I…”  
  
The air left Harry’s lungs as Louis spoke, his sharp gasp causing Louis to cut off his sentence and look curiously up at Harry.  
  
“Alright, Haz?” He asked slowly, and Harry could feel the fragile hold on his calm façade come crumbling down.  
  
He ripped his hand from Louis’ like he had been burned. “Aiden? You kissed AIDEN, Louis? You don’t even tell me you broke up with Hannah and now you are all the sudden gay and kissing boys in the house in the same week?” He could hear how panicked his voice was and Louis narrowing his eyes in what looked like anger was only making it worse.  
  
“Excuse me, Harry, but I don’t believe I have to report to you who it is I am dating or snogging. And I’m not all of the sudden gay, you arse. Why do you think I said Hannah and I have been mostly friends for awhile now?” His voice was getting louder and more defensive with each word spoken and Harry felt as if he’d been slapped. He and Louis had never fought, had got on perfectly from the start but this was all of his fears coming at him at once. He hadn’t meant to offend Louis but the sting of knowing that he was actually into boys and still couldn’t love Harry in the same way was too big of a hit to suffer through.  
  
“You’re right, I’m…I’m sorry Louis, I…I didn’t mean it that way. I like boys too, I’m not…judging you or whatever. I hope that you and Aiden will be very happy together, you deserve it, you really do.” His voice was small but genuine and he could see the anger immediately leaving Louis’ face.  
  
“Harry…” he began but Harry couldn’t take another moment of this conversation, needed to flee so he could break down privately.  
  
“No, no it’s fine. I’m really sorry, okay? I just need to…” he pushed his way out of the room only to feel Louis’ grip bringing him backward and spinning him around to face those deep blue eyes once again.  
  
“Harry…if…if you like boys too then why are you so upset all the sudden? You’ve been acting strange for weeks now…what’s wrong?” Louis was hesitant and uncertain, two things he rarely was and Harry felt even more guilty for causing those emotions to appear on his face.  
  
Harry knew he was trapped. He clearly couldn’t lie to Louis – he’d been trying and failing for this long as it was and he could still see that something was obviously off. He took a deep breath, knowing that his next words would change everything and he would have to try to figure out how he was going to move forward in a house where he had to watch Louis cuddle up with a boy that wasn’t him.  
  
“I love you.” He mumbled, voice shaky and quiet.  
  
Louis huffed. “I know that Haz, I love you too. That’s why I can’t stand seeing you so off – talk to me.”  
  
Harry shook his head, humiliation coursing through him as he forced his next words out of his throat. “No, Louis. That’s what’s wrong. I love you. I’m IN love with you. I know it’s stupid and I know I have no chance with you and that’s fine, it really is, but I just can’t be the friend you talk to about how fit Aiden is or when you kiss your first boy or whatever. I just can’t be that Louis and I know that that makes me a shitty best mate and I’m sorry.”  
  
Louis looked at him with wide eyes, his hand still gripping onto Harry’s arm. Harry tried to jerk out of his grasp only to feel Louis’ fingers digging now painfully into his skin. He was going to push himself back again, try harder to get out of the grasp when Louis spoke quietly into the tense silence.  
  
“You idiot.”  
  
How lovely, Louis finally found his voice, and it was exactly the reaction Harry had feared this entire time. He blinked back the embarrassed tears from his eyes, nodding his head in agreement to Louis’ words. “I know and I’m sorry but I promise I’ll try my best to be happy for you, I knew that this wouldn’t…”  
  
“You idiot.” Louis said again, louder this time and interrupting Harry’s desperate apology. Harry looked up then with surprise in his eyes; while he hadn’t expected Louis to reciprocate his feelings he also didn’t expect to be met with anger either. When green met blue however there was no anger sight, just a small smile and a fond expression that once again started Harry’s pulse racing.  
  
“Harry. Aiden tried to kiss me, yes. And okay, he’s obviously fit and maybe I was curious. But all it did was make me wish it was your stupid face I was kissing instead.” Louis smiled, relaxing his grip and running his fingers down his flesh until his small fingers tangled with Harry’s shaky ones. Harry felt his eyes squinting as if trying to solve a complex puzzle, staring into Louis’ eyes but somehow unable to wrap his head around Louis’ words.  
  
Louis rolled his eyes at Harry’s obvious confusion, the fond expression still on his face. “Bloody hell. My crush isn’t on Aiden, you idiot. It’s on you. I’m in love with you too.”  
  
With that he brought Harry’s body the remaining distance toward his own, drawing him into a tight hug. Harry smiled, hugging him tightly in return.  
  
“Okay.” Harry whispered, clutching onto Louis’ frame and burying his curls into the neck of the boy he loved. He laughed, unable to contain the happiness that had overtaken him as he snuggled in tighter. “Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thinking about doing a series based off Sam Smith lyrics if the inspiration strikes. Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
